I have wanted to do this for so long but it is really hard to explain the impact mental Illness has had on me. My mother was schizophrenic and all my father and grandmother could tell me was “don’t you tell anyone what happened”, “don’t tell no one what goes on in our house”, and the worst of them all…”don’t worry, it will be fine.”Things were never fine!
As a child growing up watching her, I was scared. As a preadolescent, I was confused by her actions and behavior. By the time I became a teenager I was scared, confused, and hurt because her illness would cause her to do and say the most hurtful and embarrassing things. My mother put me down and accused me of things every day and I had no one I could talk too. Those feelings I had as a child carried over into my adulthood and led to my own issues of mental illnesses with anxiety and depression.
I fight every day to keep it together and some days are extremely bad. But now, now I can go get help. Counseling saved my life. “Telling someone outside my house” gave me the chance to let a lot of things go and achieve a level of success that as a teenager my mother told me I would never see. So this notion of “keeping it to ourselves” and putting it away hoping it will just go away is a lie of the devil to keep generational curses going. I refuse to let that happen! So, here I am, telling you.
I hope that this will allow someone to feel like they are not alone. I hope someone reads this and realizes that if they are struggling to keep it together, they are not alone. If someone reads this and sees themselves in my story, they are not alone. If someone comes to this site and just wants to scream their words onto the screen, they are not alone.
You are not alone.