I am in a weird place but it’s not unfamiliar. Today I got bad news times two. None of it affects me directly but, I am affected. I won’t go into detail because it’s not my personal situation and it’s not for me to share. But, I will say that I feel bad for the people around me, people I know, and it has sent my mind into a dark place.
Death is real and it is unexpected. It is the one thing in life that we know for sure is going to happen to us but we have zero clue of how and when. Me, being the planner and control freak that I am, I like to know what to expect so I know what to plan for. But you can’t do that with death. No preparation, no warning until it is too late, it just hits you out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. Sadness.
Then there is a close friend of mine. She is going through something extremely heartbreaking. She said, “I feel like I failed as a parent”. When she told me about what happened I was angry for her. I didn’t have the words to uplift her or make her feel better. I would have taken that feeling off of her if I could, but I can’t. Helpless.
These are feelings I have when it is not even my situation or experience. My spirit is low and I am struggling to shake it off. Honestly, I’ve been off the last couple of days. I am sincerely and deeply disgusted with my job, the company I work for, and my manager. I’ve never had to spend an extended period of time in a place of deceit, dishonesty, pretense, or corruption. And my manager, he is such a damn fraud and a liar I can’t stand to look at him. Anger, extreme anger!
I’m so low right now I don’t know what to do with these emotions except for drink. Yeah…drink!