In Today’s Adventures of Being Black and Female…

I begin this rant slightly irritated but justified at the same time. It’s weird, I know. I hear how it sounds but let me explain. Today at work, I was on a conference call with several of my colleagues discussing various programs and processes that we carry out at work. Some of you might understand that when you’re on a conference call, you’re typically doing something else…just plain not paying attention to the call. Well, I was in one of those moments but then I heard my name brought up. To make a long story short and without going into a bunch of technical descriptions, a man on the line says, “Well maybe I’ll just invite *such and such* to these meetings because this process may go beyond her comprehension.” A loud “What the fuck” came out of my mouth (thank God for the mute button). Did he really just question my intelligence on call with a line full of people?! Did he really just insert someone over me because they are better at doing the job?! Out Loud…On the phone…To a line full of my colleagues!?!? I was instantly mad (because anger is the state I go to before anything else). How dare this Bitch, question my comprehension about anything, but especially things related to my job! As I cussed him out in my head, it dawned on me…the person who just clowned me is an idiot. You see, this particular person has a less than respected reputation in my field. He constantly jumps to conclusions based on inaccurate assessments. He can never answer a question and has to rely on the knowledge and skill of others to do his job. He is incompetent and people at my job know it so why should I care about his opinion of me? Well, you know what, I don’t care! It is one thing when a wise/smart/experienced person calls you a fool but a completely different thing when a known asshole tries to question your ability/character/knowledge etc. That would be like Kim Kardashian questioning Michelle Obama’s intelligence, grace, or style. Girl Bye! So in this case, Boy Bye! I have to much respect for myself and the work I’ve done to let a known moron make me feel bad about my capabilities. And, I am confident enough to believe that his words will not have any impact on anyone else’s opinion of my abilities either. Will I let this go…No! I will be biding my time for the right time to call him out but as a black woman I have to do this a certain way. Yes, I could have un-muted the phone and went off on him for his remarks but that would have made me look dumb and irrational, inadvertently proving his judgment. Is the original issue about him questioning my competency an issue of my race…No! But the way I reacted to it “could” have been. See, people of other races (not just white people) expect black women to  “go off”. If I would have said something right then and there it would have been less than unprofessional to say the least but, I let me work speak for me, not my words. Words, if used the wrong way will get you in trouble and when I’m mad, you can guarantee all the “wrong” words are coming out. Then I would have been the one called into a meeting with my boss to explain why I reacted that way (at that point its too late. They don’t care). Then I’m no different from those neck swinging, finger snapping, cussing and it doesn’t even make since, clowns “they” see on reality T.V. I’ll never give them the satisfaction of saying “Ah, there’s the REAL black woman we’ve been waiting on”. No, not me bitch! LOL! I had to get that Bitch of my heart because that is what I wanted to say on the phone!